For the first time I feel alone, not in a way thats sad or depressing but in a way that is comforting. I am independent from the chains that have held me back from living my truth, or at least I'm starting to . Sometimes the greatest challenge is letting go of expectations, out of other people and out of yourself. I often desire love and to believe the good in people and can romanticize them, hoping one day they will live up to this idea in my mind. I wonder at times if its best to let go of this fantasy or hold on to it just for the mere sense of safety in something greater than day to day life.
For the first time I feel lost but secure. Like even though I'm not sure of what I'm doing or if its gonna work out, I'm aware of my fear and confident of my ability to persist. I want to remember who am and who I want to be even in times where I doubt my capability. Its so much easier to latch on to an identity that is more accepted just for the mere safety net it provides mentally. I'm starting a new chapter with this identity - I want to let go of what I am "supposed to be" and "supposed to do", I want to be confident in my actions and fearless. Overall, I want to remember the reason why I make music and stop feeling like I need to live up to other peoples expectations. The reason I create is because I love it. Its the only thing that brings me joy and makes me feel fulfilled. I want to share this with others because of how much it has helped me.
Sometimes I can feel so confident and others times I feel depressed, we all have waves in our life and I want to show mine all to the world. I want people to know they are not alone, emotions exist and its ok to feel overwhelmed. There is something you can do about them. Take care of yourself, write, sing, express yourself! Music has saved me. If anyone cares enough to be reading this, that means my music meant something to you and that is all I can ask for. Even if no one reads this, I'm thankful for my music and proud in what it means to me.
I'm excited for this new beginning.